he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
My breasts were aching with rage.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
