just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Randomize
