there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
