We won't sleep together?
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
