By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize
