Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
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I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
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Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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