Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
