Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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