It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
