Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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