Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
