i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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