One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
