You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
