How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
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