do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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