It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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