You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
