Already got asked if we're dating
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
