2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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