Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
