So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize