I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
