you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize