so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
false alarm, still single
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