She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
