If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
