____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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