i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize