Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
