I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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