my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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