I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
