Plan B is the new Plan A
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
