I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
