My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
