The maid of honor just puked.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
