Christians are straight up FREAKS
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
