Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
