Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
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