Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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