I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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