even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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