i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm getting married
To pizza
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
