i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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