I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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