Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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