I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
