Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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