I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
where does the pee come out of this thing
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
