is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
If its not for food we ain't going out.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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