I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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