It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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