Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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