I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
