Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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