this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
