I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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