Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
