i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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