i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I am naked and annoyed.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
