Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
