I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
