Someone shit on the floor
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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