I looked at my own cervix.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
