they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
