and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
